Embracing Life

"Only the mountains will never meet"
-African Proverb

I got really sad news today. A friend of my younger sister died last night in a car accident. I have been very, very fortunate in life to have barely lost anyone I'm close to. While I lost a close acquaintance a few years back, I've somehow, luckily, never experienced a really deep, profound loss. While I only met my sisters friend once or twice, I haven't been able to get it off of my mind all day. She was our age, and was just driving home one night, and that was it. I can't stop thinking about what a tragic loss it is.

It really got me thinking about my life (what else is new??). Do I have things left unsaid? Do I have any regrets? If (God forbid) I was hit by a bus (or, more likely, a matatu) tomorrow, would I be happy with my life? Yes, I think I would be, but man, do I have so much more I want to do! Seriously, life is so precious and precarious. Note to self: Life every second with a full heart, and keep on embracing life!!

Anyway, back to Africa...Yesterday morning we came back from Mombasa, and did a little packing at the hotel. Then we took a bunch of my colleagues out for dinner (Thanks, CIDA!) to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant. About half of the people from the office ended up making it out, and it was a wonderful time, filled with much laughter! The evening ended with some "informal" speaches, which ended with Nat and I holding back tears. Then we headed home, did a bit more packing, and headed to bed.

This morning, I was up at the very crack of dawn to get ready for my last day of work. Nat got up with me, and we had coffee and chit chats and tears and laughs, and then it was time to head to work for the last time. It was truly on the of nicest days I've ever experienced in my life. I can still remember the party my family threw for me when I graduated from highschool years ago. We all went to my grandparents house, and had the nicest afternoon I can remember. I left the farewell party they had for me at work today with the same warm, glowing feeling that I had inside that day.

The day started off like any other: in my cold, dark office at the end of the hall (I mean this with all the fondness in the world, mind you!) Then, at about 11:05 am, we headed to the boardroom for my 10:00am farewell meeting (Gotta love Kenya time...) If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may remember the Kenyan Birthday Party post; today's party followed the same format. First of all, they talked about the work I've done during my internship. I feel like I worked my hardest this summer, but their regocnition for my efforts went above and beyond what I even deserved. Then everyone went around the room saying a personal goodbye message, which ranged from several minutes of the kindest words I've ever heard, to a simple "Delaney, I'll really miss you...", which was equally touching. Then they asked me to say a few words. I was really worried I'd break down in tears, so I just said a few quick words of thanks, and handed out personalized greeting cards that I'd written out, which I hope came close to expressing the immense gratitude I feel towards them.

Next, they gave me my Swahili name. They had been joking around about this for weeks, but it was truly the nicest part of the entire day. Caroline, the lady who makes lunch and tea for us every day, stood up, and told me that she had picked a Kikuyu name for me, Makena. Everyone kind of gasped in approval, and they told me it meant "One who is always happy".
I was so flattered beyond belief. Then she presented me with a beautiful kanga, which is a large piece of fabric that women wear either as a skirt or shawl or to swaddle their babies on their backs. She tied it around my waist, and I was so touched! I was certainly not expecting anything!!

Then Jonathan and Kennedy presented me with a matching pair of beaded sandals, which again just shocked me! I was like a little girl on Chistmas morning. Then Elly gave me a carved wooden turtle, which was so sweet! We have a joke that I'm the giraffe, Natalie is the cheetah, and Elly is the turtle. We both gave him toy animals to sit on his desk to remind him of us when we go, but I wasn't expecting a turtle to take home with me! He's such a dear friend, and it was such a sweet gesture! AND THEN Jane presented me with a beautiful purse. I am still so overcome by their generosity! We all had tea and cake, it was lovely. Then we headed outside, where I got pictures taken with almost everyong, dressed with my new outfit.

The afternoon passed quickly as I cleaned out my desk and got last minute things together. For some reason, everyone seemed to be leaving early today, and so one by one, people kept coming into my office to say goodbye. Several people were quite wet-eyed, and one even had tears as goodbyes were exchanged. Somehow I managed not to cry ALL day. My voice cracked three times, but no tears left my eyeballs, and I think considering the circumstances, thats pretty amazing!

The drive home was so hard. Elly and I were both so glum, and Nat came and joined us for a HUGE hug outside the hotel before we finally said our goodbyes. My cell phone has been going off all night, with even more farewell messages. I can't believe how emotional everyone got today. I guess maybe I touched them the way they touched me. They kept taling about how much they will miss my smiles and laughter echoing through the halls. Trust me, I'll miss making my laughter echo in the halls...

Now, I feel strangly devoid of emotion. I feel like our time in Mombasa got all my tears out. I'm very sad to be leaving, but in a way I'm glad to be hurting. If I was super anxious to get home, I think it would say something about how I spent my time here. I'm glad I've enjoyed it so much that it hurts to leave! What I kept reminding myself of today is that it's not goodbye. I have every intention in the world of returning to Kenya, and rejoining my new, loyal friends here. What Elly taught me is true: Only the mountains will never meet.

A Heavy Heart

Massive poverty and obscene inequality are such terrible scourges of our times – times in which the world boasts breathtaking advances in science, technology, industry, and wealth accumulation – that they have to rank alongside slavery and apartheid as social evils.
Nelson Mandela

Man, what a rollercoaster of emotion this week has been. Our trip to Mombasa is coming to an end...it’s our last night here, and, like the grandmothers that we are, we were in our rooms in bed by 1030pm. We are busy every night trying to finish off our course work so that we can head home without a ton of work over our heads. Would you believe it if I told you this was actually a late night? We’re basically the worst college students you’ve ever met. We have done no partying, no drinking, no wild behaviour whatsoever.

Nat and I are totally done. We are just so completely emotionally done. We have cried on a regular basis. And by regular, I mean hourly. I remember how scared I was to come here at the beginning of the summer. I had a countdown going to September 1st since the day I found out I was coming. And now, with only three nights left in Africa, I feel like my heart is positively broken. I would do anything to stop the passage of time. This country, this continent, these people, the sights, the smells, the feeling of Africa, my entire heart and soul is completely captured.

Nat and I have been listening to “A Race Against Time”, a lecture series by the amazingly remarkable Stephen Lewis, a fellow Canadian. I truly could not recommend a better way to spend five hours than listening to this man speak about the ravage of AIDS in Africa. Listening to his angry, driven words is the most heart-wrenching, soul searing, eye opening, ignorance-shattering experience you could ask for. Nat and I have wept, mascara literally pouring down our faces.

Anger. It’s literally coursing through my veins. And sadness. Despair. Hopelessness. Anguish. This continent is the most amazing place I’ve ever been or could hope to be, and the things we’ve seen and heard are so horrifying that it would literally shatter you. AIDS, hunger, preventable diseases like malaria, ethnic conflict...it’s disgusting. The state of this world makes me positively sick to my stomach, because the problems being faced here are solvable. And it’s not just my young, naive, barely-educated mind that feels this way. The experts all agree that it’s possible. And yet, not enough is being done. Not even close.

I give my sincerest apologies that I can’t bear to type out some of the many thoughts in my head tonight. I hope one day to provide a post with a really great summary of the things I’ve learned. But today, I’m just too sad. It’s overwhelming, really.

I just don’t want to go. It doesn’t seem right to go back home to washing machines, and a new car, and a fridge full of food, and a full course-load of classes. All of these amazing opportunities and abundances that I always took for granted before. How can I just return to the life I had before? I’ve been in contact with two of our fellow students, who have both returned home before us, and both have indicated quite a degree of emotional struggles trying to re-adjust to life at home.

Here’s a few words written by a dear friend of mine upon returning to Canada from three months in Uganda a few summers ago:

“I'm trying to make sense of Africa...I'm trying to make sense of a void that's formed between my heart and throat...one that I feel every time I eat a banana and think that it tastes like a dull paste compared to the awkward and bruised bananas that came from the village. And I get so mad at people I see in their new cars....in their expensive apartments...in their bubble of ignorance. I'm so restless....Don't they know people are dying? Or don't they care?”

For me, knowing that I have such an amazing family and friends at home is the only thing that is keeping me sane right now. Seeing everyone makes me excited, but nervous as well. I’ve changed so much, and yet the ones I love the most are naturally still the same. I don’t mean this in a bad way at all. I love those close to me unconditionally, and am completely indebted to their unwavering love and support.

But what about me? I have changed. How could anyone really ever understand? The questions just plague me...Will I still be able to find joy in the same things? Will I still enjoy long drives with my sisters in the car, belting out tunes, or will I refuse to pollute the environment with an un-essential long drive? What about a night out drinking and dancing with my friends? Will I be able to enjoy the carefree fun, or will spending money on things like that lose the appeal now that I know how much further that money could go across an ocean? Will I be able to waitress, and spends my days scraping half-full plates of food into the garbage, when I now know starving African children by name? I know who I was before, and I know who I am here, but who will I be back home? How will I find a balance?

-Delaney xo

Hello, Mombasa!

"I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."
Douglas Coupland, Life After God

I don't even know where to start today. It's kind of been a funny few days, I'm sort of an emotional wreck to be honest. The last few days in Nairobi were really great. I had some really good times hanging out with both old and new friends, and thouroughly enjoyed my bonus day off, thanks to the census! As a matter of fact, even Nat and I got "censused", which was fun! Apparently you don't have to be Kenyan, they want to know every person who is living (even temporarily) in Kenya at the time.

Nat and I had a quiet night at home last night, where we finished of the research project we were due to hand into Cherie. It felt SO good to finally get it finished and sent off. I've somehow managed to stay on top of my course work this summer, and won't be going home in a mad panic trying to get it all finished! Then we started packing for Mombasa!! I realized that we only have two days back in Nairobi when we get home from the beach, so I started trying to pack to go home. It was something I definitely wasn't ready for!! I have one whole suitcase of souveniers and work clothes packed up already, NOT FUN!

This morning Nat and I were up at 4am to head to the airport. After a quick flight out to the coast, and an hour-long taxi trip, we arrived at the resort. It is absolutely beautiful. Palm trees, multiple swimming pools, and ocean. What more could you possibly need? We were poolside by 930am, and by 10, were taking part in the Water Aerobics class.

For those of you who don't know, I acutally spent five months in 2007 working at an All-Inclusive Resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It feels like it was a different lifetime ago, and although I wouldn't trade the experience for the world, there was definitely a lot of bad that went along with the good. It's all I've been able to think about all day. This hotel feels the same as the good old Crown Paradise Resort. The layout is the same. The beach looks the same. The buffet restaurant has the exact same views. It's sort of uncanny.

Participating in the water aerobics class was the strangest part of all. I remember that being my favorite part of the job back in Vallarta. Ususally two times a week, I'd teach the noon water aerobics class, and it was so much fun. It was a great way to stay in shape (getting paid to exercise is amazing!) and I always met the coolest people. Being in the class today was so weird. Instead of just enjoying it like all of the other people, I couldn't stop comparing it to the way things used to be, and I couldn't stop wondering how the jobs of the entertainment staff here compare to the way things were for me. I know the lifestyle, and I can't really say I envy them anymore.

Probably the reason I've been in such an off mood today is that it rained most of the day!! We only have four days of beach time, and one of them was spend shivering under a shelter waiting for the rain to stop! Unfortunately, the weather has a bit of a tendency to affect my moods, so I'm sure if the sun is shining tomorrow, I'll be back to sunshine myself!

Nat and I were going to be really ambitious and try and see different partf of Mombasa and the surrounding beaches, but now that we're here, we think we might not make it any further than from out room to our beach chairs for the rest of the week, and I can't wait! While Rwanda was the greatest trip ever, it wasn't too relaxing. To be able to spend four days doing absolutely nothing sounds like the greatest "last weekend in Africa" experience we could have at this point. I'm trying so hard to reflect on the whole summer, and come to terms with going home, and there couldn't be a better place to do it. It's nice to get a change of scenery, and be able to think about Chilliwack, Nairobi, Vancouver, Mexico, and Rwanda...all of the places that now hold a piece of my heart. Each place holds amazing memories and people who've become so important to me.

I have so many emotions right now that I'm trying to deal with, but what keeps me together is remembering that for every person I have to say goodbye to here, there are many more that I can't wait to say hello to again back home. Exactly one week from this moment, I will be in the air, on the last leg of my journey home. Wow.

-Delaney xo

Time is flying...

Every now and then,
when the world sits just right,
a gentle breath of heaven
fills my soul with delight...
~Hazelmarie ‘Mattie’ Elliott, A Breath of Heaven

So it's a cold, blustery Monday afternoon, and I'm sitting shivering in my office chair, wishing there was power today so that I could turn on the heater and warm my poor little toes. Yes, you heard me correctly, there is NO power. Because of power shortages, the city takes turns cutting off power in different parts of the city every day. This means that Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I sit in my little office shivering in the dark. Luckily, the power outages haven't affected life at the hotel!

I'm feeling pretty ripped off today, to be honest. I was planning on working Monday and Tuesday this week, before we head to Mombasa for the rest of the week. Then I found out today that there is no work tomorrow! There is a census taking place (it's all we've heard about for weeks), but that means no work! I hope this gives some indication of how much I love my job, the fact that I'm horribly disappointed that I don't get to come in tomorrow. I am so unimpressed because that means today is my second last day here instead of the third last! I was NOT prepared for this emotionally...Ok...maybe I'm being a tad overdramtic! Luckily, I've got all my work done, so this gives Nat and I one last day of fun in Nairobi, which I'm totally grateful for! We are going to head downtown to the Kenya Conference Center in the morning, where you can go to an observatory on the top floor and get 360' views of the city.

When we get back into town Sunday morning, we are going to rush home to prepare for the party!!! That's right, we're throwing a party! We figured we could spend Sunday afternoon sulking and packing, or invite all of my work friends over for a pool party, and cook them a nice dinner. Obviously the pool party is the greatest choice!! I can't wait! Good friends, bathing suits, food, its an unbeatable combination! It will be such a nice way to be able to say goodbye and thank you to these people who've welcomed me (and now Nat) so warmly into their lives.

I am starting to get really excited about coming home. I can't wait to eat cheddar cheese, and see my family, and drink tap water, and go to the lake, and just ... be home. I get butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it. When I moved home from Mexico, I think I adjusted pretty well, I can't really remember any sort of "culture shock", but I feel like that will probably be quite different this time around. The main advice you hear from others is that you can't always expect people to really understand your experiences the way you want them to. You can show pictures, and tell stories, but without being here, no one will ever really understand your experience the way you wish they could.

I've tried my hardest to share, through this blog and my constant photo updates, the way my life has changed this summer. It does frusterate me though, how it's impossible to fully explain this experience to someone. For instance, I could never really be able to explain the smell of Kibera, which kind of grossed me out at first, but now fills my heart with this unexplicable longing. Or how much it fills me with happiness when I see this one random motorcycle police officer all around town. I've truly only seen him directing traffic, and he obviously has no clue who I am, but every time I notice him on a random corner, I feel like I've just seen an old friend. No one will ever be able to fully appreciate the way the drive home from work, when we see the sun starting to set over these beautiful green, picket-fence surrounded fields, is the best part of my day.

I'm scared I'll forget these little, ordinary moments as time goes by. Like the way I hear the roosters outside my window most mornings, and laugh to myself about how they woke me at 4am my first day here. Or the way I love my few minutes on the bench outside the hotel with the security guard lady every morning while I wait for Elly to pick me up. We never say more then "Hi! How are you this morning", but we sit in the happiest, most comfortable silence every day. Or my morning drives to work with Elly. For the first 10 minutes of the drive, we laugh and joke so much that my stomach often hurts from laughing by the time we pick up the next person on the route. He's become such a dear friend, I can't imagine not starting my day with our chitchats once I'm home.

As sad as I am to think about leaving, I can't believe how amazingly this whole trip came together. I couldn't have asked for a better experience if I'd tried. I can't wait to be home with the people I love. One more week! That is just mindblowing! I can still remember the day I left as clearly as if it were yesterday. I remember how terrified I was about coming here, wondering if it would be a huge mistake. How marvellously wrong I was. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world.

Goodbyes, a Wedding, and a Party!

“I know not how I seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with while the vast ocean of undiscovered truth lay before me.”
Sir Issac Newton

The closer we get to home, the faster time is seeming to go. We only have two more days before we head to the beach, and that is basically the end of our summer. For the past few days, Nat and I have been breaking down in tears on an hourly basis! We've been having such a great time, its hard to imagine it coming to an end.

We had the most emotionally draining day of all time yesterday. We headed out to the orphanage at the crack of dawn to say goodbye to the kids. Since it was a Saturday, not all of them were there, which almost made it easier to say goodbye. When we got there, we all sung songs together inside for a few minutes, and then headed outside for one last play. A little skipping rope, soccer, the rock game, and cuddling, and then it was time for the heart wrenching goodbyes. We all headed into the main classroom, and Eunice started telling us about how much they appreciated our help this summer. She told the kids that it was no time for tears, and that hopefully, we'd get the chance to return some day.

Then, three of the older boys stood up to make little speeches. They talked about how grateful they were for the school supplies, the new games, and most importantly, the field trip. Nat and I were total wrecks. We remember how unnerving it was as a child to see an adult cry, and it truly took every ounce of strength in our bodies not to weep. We were both red eyed and sniffly for sure though. They asked us to say a few words, and Nat managed to thank the kids for all the great memories and the only thing I could choke out was to tell them they were the greatest kids in the world. Some of the kids were crying when we gave them hugs goodbye, and it was impossible not to cry a little bit along with them.

Then we gave Mama our presents for her. She lives at the center and cooks and cleans and takes care of all the children, and is the most beautiful, caring woman. I had knitted her several dishclothes, since they currently wash dishes with old shreds of plastic sacs. Nat gave her a beautiful angel pin, since she is truly an angel, the way she takes care of these kids. By the time we got in the car, we were just crushed. We headed into town with Eunice and her kids (Deborah and Blessing), and went straight to their house, to get ready for a wedding!

Last week, Pastor Simon invited us to come to a wedding at his Kibera church Saturday. So we headed from the orphanage to their house, where all the women were in a frenzy getting ready! It was pandemonium! Loud women, perfume being sprayed every which way, nails being painted, glitter being put on EVERYTHING! It was so much fun to be right in the thick of the atmosphere. It was funny to see the different cultural perceptions of beauty. The womens hairstyles and makeup were about the furthest thing from what you might see at home, but you could tell how happy and beautiful everyone felt.

Then the carried the bride down FOUR flights of stairs out to the car, with the bridesmaids singing and carrying on like you wouldnt believe. The bridesmaids, groomsmen and the groom all surrounded the car (with the bride inside) and sung for AGES before everyone piled into cars and headed to the church. Once we got there, everyone milled around in the parking lot for ages, before carrying the bride the long distance from the car to the church. Eunice and the Pastor were both involved in the service, so their daughter Deborah sat with me, and about twenty minutes into the service she fell asleep in my arms. I'm the first to admit I've never been too keen on kids, but with this beautiful girl asleep in my arms, I felt very...dare I say...maternal...?

It was so different from a wedding at home. We had to leave at 2:00, so we didn't get to stay for the whole ceremony, unfortunately. As long as we were there though, other than the fact that there was a bride and groom present, it didn't really feel different than a normal church service. We both left feeling rather unsettled. At home, weddings are all about the bride and the groom and how much they love each other and there was absolutly no mention of any of that yesterday. Here, every single marriage involves a dowry. As horrified as I was to find out that that occurs without question here, my colleagues are equally horrified that we don't have dowries (dowrys?) at home! They seem to think that people marrying just for love is a hilarious concept.

So after the wedding, we walked out of Kibera, and came upon a marketplace outside, selling clothes, fruit, electronics, and basically anything else you could imagine. I really wanted a pair of dark jeans for the party that night, but I have a HORRIBLE time buying jeans at home, so I wasn't getting my hopes up. I probably find a pair of jeans I like that fit well every year or two. So we walk up to this "store", which has about a million pairs of jeans hanging all over. I walked up, and the salesman came running over, and asked what I was looking for. When I told him, he stood back, took a good look at me, ran over to a rack, rifled through, pulled out a pair of jeans, and shooed me into the changeroom. They fit PERFECTLY. It was absolutely miraculous, almost as miraculous as the fact that they only cost $20. I told the man I was going to fly him back to Canada with me to be my personal stylist!!!

So Nat and I rushed home with our new jeans, and hurried to get ready for the party! Euloge, one of my colleagues from work, just graduated with his Master's degree in International Relations, so he was having a party to celebrate. Nat and I got all dressed up and ready to go, and headed into town to meet Amos, another friend from work. The three of us walked to the house together, and joined the party. It was so nice to see everyone from work in a social setting! The partied then carried over to a restaurant right near our house. Nat and I had a wicked awesome time. The party had all the necessary ingredients: free flowing booze, dancing, attractive men, a healthy dose of drama, and lots of laughs.

We woke up this morning feeling grosser than gross (the closest thing to a hangover that I've ever experienced for sure!) We dragged out aching selves out of bed and headed to the market, where I finally picked up the blanket that I ordered on comission from a lady weeks ago. Then we had a quick breakfast, and headed back to rest our pain away poolside. Sadly, the sun has disappeared behind unfriendly clouds, so now we are huddled in the lounge in the hotel enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon. Hard to imagine that a week from now, we'll be packing, getting ready for home!

-Delaney

The Best Kids in the World

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
Albert Schweitzer

Today was an AMAZING day. I have been anticipating it for over a month, but didn’t breathe a word of it to anyone (other than my mom, of course), because I just didn’t want to jinx it. It was one of those days that went so flawlessly, that you are almost left feeling uneasy because it was such a breeze!

Way back at the beginning of the July, we spent a day with Cherie and the TWU students going to all the typical touristy-places, including the Kazuri bead factory and the Giraffe Center. While we were paying admission at the Giraffe Center, I saw a sign asking for donations for the “Children’s Ecology Tours Program”. Essentially, they take a bus-load of kids from a slum or underprivileged area, take them around to all off the amazing wildlife sanctuaries in the area, feed them lunch, teach them all about the animals, and return them to school. The best part? It’s all free for the students and the school. It operates entirely on donations.

When I saw the poster that day, I asked the girl for info on the program, and within minutes, was sitting in an office with the Education Coordinator, explaining the work we do with the kids from our orphanage. When he told me that the list of potential schools for August was relatively short, we applied and held our breath. When I got the email in mid-July telling me that our school had been selected, I was ECSTATIC! I filled out all the contracts and forms, mailed them off, and started a countdown to today!

This whole last week, I’d been incredibly nervous, hoping the whole thing would go off without a hitch. I had a TON of trouble getting ahold of the coordinator this week to confirm, which was a requirement of the program, but Natalie and I were obsessive about calling, and finally got confirmation.

So this morning, Pastor Simon and Eunice arrived bright and early to drive Nat and me out to the center. We arrived around 8, and were greeted by the 23 kids who were picked to go today. (They can only take about 23 each day, and the kids have to be older than 10, so Nat, Eunice and I took half today, and Heather will take the rest with Pastor Simon and Eunice tomorrow). They were all so cute and apprehensive and ready to go. The kids who board there truly NEVER get an opportunity to leave the compound, so I can understand why they didn’t seem too excited before we left; it must have seemed too good to be true (I know it did for me!).

FINALLY the bus arrived around 830, and I could breathe a GIANT sigh of relief. We actually made it happen!!!! The kids nearly knocked each other out rushing to get on the bus. We got a little talk from the coordinator, and off we went to the giraffe center, where the kids got to feed the giraffes and attend a short talk explaining the different kinds of giraffes in Kenya.

Next we headed to the David Sheldrick Wildlife Center, better known as the Elephant Orphanage. It’s the greatest place, where the cutest baby elephants are paraded out for their lunchtime feeding in front of a crowd of hugely entertained tourists. The elephants are so tiny and so there is just a rope between them and the people. However, at one point, one of the bigger babies came running down the hill towards the feeding station, and, instead of running along beside the rope like all the good elephants, decided to come tearing under the rope as a bit of a shortcut. (I guess he was the smart one; they always say the fastest distance between two points is a straight line). So all of a sudden this baby elephant was charging straight towards us. As it turns out, since elephants are pretty big animals, even baby elephants are pretty huge when making a mad dash towards a crowd of kids that you are responsible for.

We somehow managed to push/pull all the kids out of the way, but all of them were quite shaken up. One little guy, who somehow got himself on the bus although he couldn’t have been older than 6, was so scared that he stared into a random bush for the rest of the time there so that he wouldn’t have to look at the elephants anymore. But anyway, all’s well that ends well, so we headed off to the Crocodile Center.

After a big hearty lunch of beef stew, rice, chapatti, and bananas outside the gates, we headed inside, where we all learned all about crocodiles. I even got to hold a baby, which was terrifying and gross, but SO cool.

Last stop was the Animal Orphanage, part of the Nairobi National Park. It’s like a zoo for abandoned animals. We took our time sauntering through looking at lions, cheetahs, hyenas, tons of primates, tons of cats, and more. As always, all the kids were climbing all over us trying to be the ones lucky enough to hold our hands or sit next to us on the bus. These kids are so sweet and amazing it would just break your heart. Seeing them outside of the walls of the center was crazy. The all started off so quiet and reserved, but by the end of the day, they were all having SO much fun. They were laughing and singing and telling jokes and being carefree, the way kids are supposed to be.

Being able to set up this trip for them was great, but being able to actually go through the experience with them was totally out of this world. We could have seen the poster and just thought “Geez, that’s a cool idea...we should look into it at some point...”, but we took the initiative and did what we could to make it happen. We’ve given so many material things to these kids since we got here: food, near-endless amounts of school supplies and books. Still, being able to provide such a memorable experience was probably the most valuable thing we could have given them.

As much as I tried to enjoy the day, I couldn’t stop thinking about these kids and how much of my heart they hold. Knowing that this Saturday is the last time I’ll see them crushes me. They kept asking “Take me to Canada with you?” How do you tell a seven-year-old that even if you were legally allowed to take him home, you would never be able to provide for him in the way he deserves? That you would love him to death, but that it wouldn’t be enough? That he’d face adversity and challenges that you just aren’t equipped enough to deal with? If I could, I’d buy a plane’s worth of tickets, and cart every last one of those kids home with me, but of course, that would never be possible. It might even be too much to hope that we’ve made any sort of long-lasting impression on most of them. Two years down the road, we may be nothing but a faint memory to most of them. But we’ve been able to brighten this summer for them, and I guess that’ll have to be enough.

-Delaney xo

Reflections (Part IV) - Personal Growth

You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?' The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.
-Steven Foster

This summer truly marks the best three months of my life. I have tried to use my time here to reflect on my life: who I've been, who I am, and who I'd like to be. My dear friend Hallie wrote us all notes when she left Africa, and in mine, she told me that "It is a rare ability to be so constantly on a path of personal growth and to find joy in every sweet offering life can give". I consider this to be one of the most wonderful compliments I've ever recieved. When someone else's perceptions of you are in line with your ideal perception of yourself, you must be doing something right.

It's human nature in life to always think "I'll be happy when.....". For the fist time, I feel like I've finally eliminated that hurdle. I've been able to wake up every day and just love the life I'm living. The normal, daily activities have taken on an almost magical quality here. Out of milk? Great! That means a fun chance to hop on the bus, which is always an adventure. Have to set the alarm at 530am for work? No problem, I can't wait to go to work. Taxi driver an hour late? We'll get there when we get there, its not a concern! I remember Rachael in Mexico referring to it as my "zest for life"... It's so easy to love every second of life when you are having an amazing, life changing experience like this, but I think the real challenge will be appreciating every moment once I'm back home in my normal routine.

I think I've always had a tendency to try and find excitement in the mundane however. I do realize that almost every story or anecdote represents the "best/funniest/scariest/grossest/greatest" story "EVER", but that's just the way I am. I'd rather let normal moments take on an extraordinary quality, than go through life nonchalantly.

I think a big part of this learning experience has been evaluating with my choices in life, and the paths I’ve chosen to take. Being here, it’s hard not to measure myself against another culture. How do my values compare to a Kenyan girl my age here? Would I get more or less respect from people than I do at home if I’d grown up here? How does my life compare? I find the gender roles here so different from home. While I consider myself to be a fairly innocent and wholesome girl at home, I feel like if people here knew the way I was at home, they might lose respect for me for it. While it’s normal for a girl my age to go out and party and drink and date at home, I feel like maybe it’s not quite the same here. While I do like to go out and get rip roaring drunk on occasion with my friends at home, it’s not something I ever make a habit of. However, I feel like if people here knew that it was common for girls my age to get crazy like that, they would perhaps look down on me for it. Who knows, I could be totally off base, but I’m pretty sure people would not find a “Delaney went out and got totally trashed” story as funny as it may be at home. The point is it would be easy to measure my self-worth against the norms of whatever culture I am surrounded by. It would be easy to start guessing the choices I’ve made based on whether or not they are appropriate here, but I don’t. Not at all. I feel happy with who I am. Whether I am in Kenya, or Mexico, or Canada, or wherever, I am happy with myself regardless of what society labels “normal”. My self-respect is one of the things I will come home treasuring the most.

I've been doing alot of thinking here about the future, and what I want the most out of life. After spending three months working with such an amazing organization, I'm inspired to find a career that allows me to do what I love while helping other people at the same time. I feel like I've really blossomed in this environment, and being here shows me just how possible it is to actually look forward to going to work each day.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Harold Whitman

One thing I've really become passionate about here is writing. It's always been something I enjoy, but the desire to write has gotten stronger and stronger since I've been here. I started this blog as a way to record all of my experiences this summer so that I could look back on this trip in the years to come. I decided to make it a public journal so that those dear to me could share in this experience. I still can't believe the amazing feedback I've been getting all summer long. The fact that so many people care enough about what I'm going through to read on a regular basis makes me feel so loved. Thank you so much for your constant feedback and words of encouragement!

One thing I've realized about myself in coming here is how strong I can be. I don't consider myself a particularly brave person, but when I look at the things I've accomplished, I feel good. I guess if I can pack up and move as far away from the familiar as I have, theres not much I can't do. Its so easy to be brave and outgoing when you are far from home. Theres such a travellers culture; when you are away, you never hesitate to talk to anyone, anywhere. I hope I can find a way for that outgoingness to transfer to back home. Being fearless is something that is a constant effort, but is so important. I find that stepping out of the comfort zone is something I want to continue to do on a regular basis. The things that scare you are always the things that are the most rewarding in the end.

Another thing that I have become even more passionate about is travel. It's funny, every time I meet a fellow traveller, I become jealous when I hear of their stories and wish I could have seen so many of the amazing places they've been. Although I've managed to live for five months in Mexico and three months in Kenya by the time I'm twenty-two, I still want to see and experience SO much more of the world. So far the country count is at 6 (Canada, US, Mexico, the Netherlands, Kenya, and Rwanda) so I guess I am doing a pretty good job, but there are SO many more places I need to go. I am so intruiged by South America, and I would love to travel Europe. I know that the time has come to get serious about trying to finish school, but it's hard to imagine staying put long enough to get things done. I guess I shouldn't panic too much; both of my big life adventures happened so randomly and spontaneously that I'm sure the next one will come along when the time is right.

And now, just a word on home. As much as I have such an overwhelming urge to see the world, Vancouver will ALWAYS be home. As happy as I am exploring new corners of the earth and meeting such diverse, engaging people, I could never be more loved and whole than I am back at home, surrounded by the people I love. We are so incredibly lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the world. We have all we could ever need, and I can't wait to get home and appreciate Chilliwack the way it deserves.

A man's homeland is wherever he prospers.
Aristophanes (450 BC - 388 BC)

I think in the end, the most important thing I've learned this summer about myself is how lucky I am, and how important it is for me to be appreciative of all of the greatness that life has to offer. I am so lucky to have the most amazing people surrounding me in my life. No matter where you are or what you are doing, none of it really means anything if you don't have people around you to share it with. I've said it a million times, but my family is the greatest gift I've ever been given, and I love them so unbelievably much. I'm returning home to so many amazing friends, both old and new, and I would be completely lost without them.

More than ever before, I like the self I see reflected in the eyes of those around me. And, so importantly, I like the person I see when I look in the mirror. I am not coming home a new person; rather, I feel like I've taken the time to really grow more into ther person I want to be. I have hope, motivation, courage, and love in my heart, and, as always, a huge smile on my face.

-Delaney xo

Becoming Kenyan and Eating Meat!

There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction. -Salvador Dali

The closer I get to coming home, the more I love it here. Every day I wake up and think life couldn't possibly get better, and then it does!

Twice last week, through the ARO, I spent a morning volunteering at a community home for the mentally and physically disabled. It was sort of an overwhelming experience on Wednesday, when I went alone, but I got the hang of things pretty quick. I spent an hour of so putting everyone's feet in shoes and socks, and then helped dish out lunch, feed the residents, and then help wash up the dishes.

On Friday, everyone from the office went together. It was my first time working on a Friday. We spent some time chopping vegetables, then cleaning the floors outside the community home. It was so much fun getting a chance to spend some time outside of the office. We were all in jeans (YAY for casual Fridays!!!!) and had a really fun few hours.

The boys kept laughing at my pathetic water-sweeping technique, and joking that I needed to learn how to work as hard as a real Kenyan lady. It was so funny, I'm the first to admit that I am not a fan of tough manual labour... But I try to keep a smile on my face, so I hope it balances out...haha!

Speaking of being a real Kenyan lady, Elly and I are composing a list of why I am a "Real Live Kenyan":
-I walk to the shopping center
-I take the bus home laden with groceries
-I know where to find the best mandazis in Kibera
-I make my tea with warm milk now (the Kenyan way)
-I am picking up a bit of Swahili!

Add all of that to my Rwanda-acquired sun-tan, and I’m practically a local! Haha!!!

The weekend was also amazing. I don't know if I mentioned Sarah already. She is a fellow SFD intern from McGill University, who spent her summer in Butare, Rwanda. She was the one who clued us into St. Pauls, the greatest hostel in the world in Kigali. She spent the weekend in Nairobi, and we met up again.

Friday night, Sarah, Nat and I finally made it to CARNIVORE!!! For those of you who don’t know, Carnivore is about the most amazing restaurant in the entire world (for once, I’m not even really exaggerating, it’s actually ranked in the top 50!!). Basically, its meat. And more meat. And more meat. It’s like, the greatest feast imaginable! We arrived at 730 starving. I’d barely eaten all day in preparation, and we FINALLY got sat at our table by 9. We had a quick soup course, and then the waiter showed up with a tray of condiments and three hot plates. Then you raise the flag on your table, and the fun really begins.

There are tons of men walking around with huge skewers of meat. If you want to try it, they stop, shave some directly onto your plate, and continue on. And they do so as long as the flag is flying! It’s unlimited...it was like heaven on earth. I tried: beef, spare ribs, pork sausage, beef sausage, chicken liver, chicken wings, lamb, ostrich meatballs, and crocodile. And by tried, I mean I ate a serving. Of each type of meat. It was amazing. Delicious. The greatest culinary experience of my life. It’s been 36 hours, and I’m STILL full!

On the way out, we ran into three Canadian brothers from Montreal that Sarah had met earlier in Uganda. We headed together to a little local joint in town, where we tried to digest meat by filling our tummies with Tusker and whisky. For the record, that’s a REALLY bad combination. Round One of shots sent Sarah dry heaving towards the bathroom. Round Two of shots resulted in Natalie puking all over herself AGAIN! I swear, that girl is the only person on earth that could puke in my presence repeatedly and still be one of my favourite people! She is able to make such an endearing spectacle that I can’t help but laugh. As our new friends pointed out, she’s quite a graceful puker, kind of like a gazelle.

Speaking of our new friends, what rad guys! Kevin is the youngest, and he just got his degree in literature. Greg is the middle brother. He just finished a semester at UCT (just like Amanda/Hans/Corrine) and is practically days away from passing the bar and being a lawyer in Vancouver. Andrew is the oldest brother. He is quite the eccentric character, with the most amazing moustache you’ve ever seen in your life, and a gold tooth to boot. He’s an incredibly successful artist who lives in LA.

We ended up going out for Ethiopian food together last night. It was so much fun. I don’t know why, but food is just SO much more fun when you eat with your hands surrounded by great friends. Redds, Tusker, and Safari brand vodka followed, accompanied by Pepto, dominos, and tunes. We called it a night around 230am, so needless to say, I’m feeling a touch on the rough side today, but it was so much fun that it’s worth the pain.

Nat is coming to my office this afternoon to see the place and meet everyone, which I’m so excited for! Then it’s hard work for one more week, then beach time!!! Home is only two weeks away! I can hardly believe it. Graham and Shelby went home last week, so Nat, Heather and I are truly the last of the gang left here in Nairobi. Graham sent us an email about how strange it is to be back home again. It seems surreal to imagine him back in Canada while we are all here. He went on about how we should try not to think too much about home, since we’ll be there soon enough. It’s advice I’m trying so hard to heed. I’m trying to enjoy every last second I have here, because I know I’ll miss it so much once I’m home. I think I’m doing a pretty wicked awesome job of loving every second of these last days.

-Delaney xo

Reflections (Part III) - Making an Impact

"During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to the struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But, if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."
Nelson Mandela

Growing up, we are taught that giving is always better than receiving. We are taught that it is noble to help those less fortunate. As children, we donate food to the Salvation Army at Christmas. As teenagers we particpate in the 30 Hour Famine to raise awareness about hunger. As a society, we are constantly bombarded by requests from charities or humanitarian groups wanting donations to support a plethora of causes. It's always a question of "How can we help them?", "them" of course ranging from local victims of domestic abuse to drug addicts on the downtown east side to starving children in Africa.

Going to Africa has always, at least in my eyes, seemed like one of those really admirable things to do in life. As a child and teenager, I looked anyone who was leaving the comfort of their home to travel across an ocean to an unfamiliar place to try to make a difference, hoping maybe one day I'd get the same opportunity.

And then, this May, the opportunity seemed to fall right into my lap. And so, being the type of person I am, I threw on my rose-coloured glasses, packed up my suitcase, and set off to change the world. Ha. Sounds kind of idealistic and naive, huh? But as silly as it is, I think that any of the travellers I've met here would have to admit that they had the same lofty ambitions deep down. I mean, of course, it's not like we expected to pop in for ninty days and somehow cure AIDS, eliminate poverty, and completely rebuild the continent, but something we have all struggled with is wondering if we are going to be leaving Africa better than we found it.

Lets start with Nat and Heather. Thanks to the girls, there is a massive project underway which involves instating an electronic library in a university in Somaliland. They were able to envision the finished product, put the wheels in motion, and get this project off to a great start. They traveled to the campus in Somaliland, and were able to give seminars to the students about how to access electronic resources. Yes, it's clear the girls were able to make a really positive difference.

And Graham. While he struggled at the beginning with a placement that wasn't ideal, he was able to take the initiative to find a placement that would help him achieve his goals. He ended up working with Carolina for Kibera, the most well known NGO in Kibera. He was able to set up business workshops to teach small business owners the techniques they needed to succeed. The concepts he was able to explain to these groups will enable them to better market their products. Giving them even the most basic business skills will help the groups to become more profitable and successful, so they will be able to provide for their families. Yes, Graham definitely left Kibera better than he found it.

And me? I struggle with this because my experience wasn't nearly as hands-on as the others. While they were out, helping Kenyans (and Somalians) to learn applicable life skills, I sat in an office all summer staring at my computer screen. Of course, I'm certainly not complaining! I have loved every second of being here in the office, and the professional skills I've learned are invaluable. However, I'd like to hope that somehow, I left a positive mark on the community as well. I mean, I did spend a day tree planting, and I spent two days helping at a home for the mentally and physically disabled, but in both incidences, it was a one time deal. I put forth the effort, but the benefit ended when I walked out the door. The others, though, have projects that will continue growing and evolving long after the plane lands back in Canada. I hope that the ARO finds a sponsor for the "Connecting Africa's Youth for Change" proposal. Knowing that I contributed to initiating a successful project would make me feel like I made a measurable impact.

The other thing that dominated many an evening conversation was how many people need help at home as well. Maybe in Canada, there aren't millions of homeless people and HIV/AIDS outbreaks ravaging entire communities, but there are still social problems of a HUGE magnitude at home. There are children who don't have enough to eat. There are people living on the streets. There are troubled youth who are in desperate need of positive role models. Why are we so quick to jump on an airplane and fly around the world to make a difference when we have the potential to make significant changes in our own communities? I hope we all return home with the drive and ambition to head into our own towns and schools to lend a hand in any way we can.

I suppose as well, the hope is that we'll take what we've learned home, and it will inspire us to continue our studies, and go on to careers in the development world, where we actually will have a chance to make a large, measurable impact on the lives of those around us.

It makes me feel selfish for saying so, but I kind of feel like overall, Africa helped me out way more than I helped out Africa. I came here wanting to give, and yet I feel like I'm taking so much back with me. I guess maybe thats the point though. In helping others, maybe you really do help yourself. It reminds me of a short passage from Eat Pray Love:

“...when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times, you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt – this is not selfishness but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight...I did not know yet what I deserved. I still maybe don’t fully know what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late – through the enjoyment of harmless pleasures – into somebody much more intact... I will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person – the magnification of one life – is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own...”
Elizabeth Gilbert

-Delaney xo

Reflections (Part II) - Relationships

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Carrie, Sex and the City

Being here has made me realize just how important relationships are. It's not where on this earth you are, its who you surround yourself with that really matters. I'm so lucky to be surrounded by the most supportive and loving network of friends and family that a girl could ask for.

I never realize this more strongly than when I'm away. Being across the world sure shows you who your real friends are. It's a great way to weed out old friendships that have passed their expiration date. I realize this statement maybe makes me seem a bit heartless, but really, it's the opposite. I think it's important to surround yourself with supportive, positive people. Many times, people hold on to toxic relationships way too long. I'd rather cultivate a few real friendships than be superfical friends with many. Any friendship that can remain strong around the globe is something to be cherished.

I've been so fortunate to be able to keep in touch with everyone from home so easily. We're so lucky to live in this day and age. I haven't had a serious bout of homesickness yet. It's almost impossible to miss home when corresponding with friends and family is so overwhelmingly easy. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be here without contant contact with my loved ones back home. Really, how did people live before email??

The relationships I have with my family are also something that I hold very dear to me. I think I do a pretty good job of recognizing how wonderful they are even when I'm home, so this isn't so much a realization as just a word of thanks. I've had multiple people comment, within moments of meeting me, "So you're pretty close to your family, huh?". I sing their praises on a daily basis. Practically everyone on this continent knows and can't believe my mom and I email on a twice-daily basis. They've all seen Shani's grad pics, and they all know about Tanny and hair school. Sunshine's first swim video was the hit of the office. Everyone has heard about the Ryder Lake Hotel going out of business. My family is in my thoughts on such a regular basis that I don't really feel like I'm apart from them at all. In a way, its almost nicer being away from home, because then we can really appreciate each other without the daily irritations ("You stole my shirt"/"Clean up your dishes") that distract from how much we really do love and value each other!

Lastly, since this note involves relationships, I suppose I should note on the romantic aspect of things. It's funny. I've always been one of those people who is always in a relationship. Not in a trashy way. Completely the opposite, really. I am so completely a long-term relationship person. I just have never seen the point of dating someone that you can't see a future with. There have only been a few brief periods that I've been single since I was about 14 years old and had my first "boyfriend" (I use that term loosely, since those close to me know the heart-shattering end to that story! Haha!).

This summer marks the longest, most steadfastly single period of my life since that point. I wonder if it's any coincidence that this summer also marks the happiest period of my life. I am the type of person who will fall in love with someone based on my perception of their highest potential, instead of truly appreciating who they really are. This, unfortunately has resulted in more than my fair share of heart-ache. It's strange, I used to consider being single to be the scariest, most lonely thing I could imagine. Now, I'm not only getting used to it, but truly valuing it. I consider this realization one of the biggest life improving lessons I've learned here about myself. Not only am I ok alone, but it's nice to be able to put my feelings first for a change, instead of constantly striving and worrying about someone elses feelings instead of my own. Truly, finding a boyfriend at this point is so low on the priority list. Sure, if the right guy came along, I wouldn't let the opportunity pass by, but it's not something I'm actively seeking. And that feels so empowering. I'm sure the right guy for me is out there, and when the time is right, it'll fall into place. Ahhhh. Breathing in. Breathing out. Serene. Happy.

So that covers family, friends, and romance. As the quote at the beginning indicates, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. And I want to comment on that, but it'll come later...closer to the end of this experience. The thoughts are still bumbling around in my head, final conclusions on what I've learned about myself are still coming together. But I can't wait to share even more things I've learned about myself. Stay tuned!

-Delaney xo

Reflections (Part I) - Materialism

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. -Thornton Wilder

You know that song? "Im in a New York state of mind"? Well, I'm in a Chilliwack state of mind. Ever since I got home from Rwanda, I can't get home off my mind. It's like I've sort of emotionally "checked out" of Africa. All I can think about is home, and the first things I want to do, and eat, and the people I can't wait to see. The countdown is on! Two weeks from tomorrow I'm heading to Mombasa for a long weekend on the coast of the Indian Ocean, and then two more nights in Nairobi, then home!! For anyone who was wondering the precise number of sleeps, its 22 (23 if you count the stopover in Amsterdam!!!)

I guess in a way it's a good thing that I am starting to disengage from being here. The past few days alone have been a really good time to start reflecting on some of the things I've learned since arriving here just two and a half short months ago. Although I've learned SO much about the world around me, I've also had alot of time to reflect upon myself as well, like who I am, and who I want to be. I want to spend some serious time discussing my new priorities in life, starting with materialism, with a focus on clothes!!!

I think I'm finally getting my priorities straight. I feel somewhat ashamed to admit that until coming here, my priorities certainly weren't they should be. Like most westerners, I put material things near the top of the list. Having a nice car? Hugely important! Dropping $100+ on a pair of shoes I'll wear less than 10 times? Sure, why not? Spending a shameful amount on dinner and drinks with friends? A regular occurrence.

Being here has made me realize how silly that all is. For instance, I came here with the bare minimum of clothes. A decent selection for work, but barely any casual weekend clothes. Do I have to wear the same thing frequently now? Yes! Do I get totally sick of wearing the same outfits all the time? Of course. But does it really matter? No. Not even the tiniest bit. I have the most overwhelming urge to go home, and take every last thing out of my closet and send it off to the Salvation Army. So many people in this world are lucky to even have a pair of shoes on their feet, so it truly makes me sick to think of all the barely worn pairs sitting in my closet that I'll probably never wear again.

And yet, even the thought of going home and donating fills me with a bit of a panic. "But my black heels?! I know I never wear them... but still...they look so cute with that one skirt... I mean, I know I never wear it either, but someday...maybe... man, I don't know if I really should give them away..." It's so silly, and yet, it's the way we were raised. Overconsumption is so prevalent at home. It's almost impossible to break out of the mindset that "the more you have, the better off you are". The societal values that are engrained so deeply into us from the time we are born are so flawed.

Graham and I have talked alot about the need to exist within your culture. It will be so easy to go home with a bunch of new lofty ambitions about reducing consumption and living a more admirable life, but I'm trying to be realistic. Sooner or later, human nature dictates that I'll most likely slide back into the way of life I was used to back home. I hope that I can just keep aware enough to recognize old habits in my behaviour when they arise. It will be all about finding a balance.

Heres another shameful anecdote for you. When I bartended at Industry, I was in the habit of buying a new shirt to wear EVERY WEEKEND. My rationale was "Well.. if I buy this shirt for $20, I'll feel pretty and confident, so then when I make $220 in tips, the shirt is really more of an investment..." I'm serious. For four months, I bought a new outfit almost every single weekend. I shudder now to think of the millions of ways I could have put that money to better use.

The moral of this story: less truly is more. It doesn't matter if you have the priciest jeans, or a brand name purse, or the latest shoes. If your surrounded in your life by people who would judge you for those choices, maybe you should try surrounding yourself with people whose goals and outlooks are a bit better aligned with yours. I feel confident enough in myself now to not care what others think. It feels really, reallly good.

At the end of the day, anyone reading this back home can attest: We have roofs over our heads. We have more clothes than we could ever need. We've never gone hungry. We have cars, bank accounts, cell phones, the list is infinite. Next time you are standing admiring that $100 pair of jeans in the mall, think of the incredible difference you could make by investing money in a grassroots project in a developing country. Don't think you could watch $100 of your hard-earned money disappear? Well then, consider this: that $1 you spend at the grocery store on a pack of gum could provide one African with clean water for one year. One life potentially saved. Is that worth one dollar to you?

-Delaney xo

My love du jour...

When you re-read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before. You see more in you than there was before. -Clifton Fadiman

Ok... so it seems like every time I turn around, I become completely enraptured with something new: monkeys, room mate time, moto-taxis, mint-choc bars...the list goes on and on. But today I want to draw attention back to an old love, one that has been faithful and enriching throughout my twenty two years. Yes, the relationship I've had with books has been one of the most satisfying of my life. As a matter of fact, this trip, I think I've probably spent more at the bookstore than I have on rent and food and airfare combined. But what can I say? It's love.

My love for reading was certainly instilled in me by my mom and grandma, who are both the most diligent of readers (although I don't seem to have inherited their love of crossword puzzles...hmm...). By the time I was in Kindergarten, while my classmates were puzzling over "See Spot Run"-esque books, I was powering through juvenile paperbacks. By grade 2, I had sunk my teeth into the typical adolescent girl series, the Little House on the Prarie books, and before long, I was into the Anne of Green Gables series (which remains one of my ultimate favorites to this day).

While I've struggled through some of the "classics" over the years, I've always leaned towards fiction. However, through this past year, I've really started digging into some really neat stuff, especially autobiographies and memoirs. Since coming on this trip, I have completely immersed myself in some amazing works, even alot of non-fiction. It's like the more I step out of my comfort zone and read books that I have considered too challenging or dry in the past, the more I pleasantly surprised I become.

I've gotten in a habit of asking new friends I've met to write down a list of the most important books (academic and otherwise) that they'd strongly recommend. I've already read so many amazing things just by hearing about them through others. For instance, Heather recommended A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini, which I'd always discounted in the past because it follows the lives of two Afgan women. I shamefully have no idea what is going on in the Middle East, so the book really didn't interest me in the least, but after reading it, I am completely fascinated, and have now found yet another corner of the earth I can't wait to learn all about. The book is heartwrenching, infuriating, and an absolute rollercoaster, but an amazing tale of two women and how their lives intertwine.

Another great novel that I just happened to stumble across is My Father's Daughter by Hannah Pool. I picked this one up in Rwanda, and powered through it in one afternoon. It's the story of an Eritrean woman who was adopted by an English couple as an infant, and raised in Eupore. When she finds out that she has an entire faimly in Eritrea, she heads back for the first time, to meet the family she never knew she had. It's realy fascinating, she talks about growing up as a black woman in a predominantly white community, only to arrive to her birthplace and be treated as as a foreigner because of her upbringing, despite the fact that now she is with her blood relatives.

Shake Hands with the Devil by Canadian Lt. Gen. Romeo Dallaire, which I have mentioned before, is the book that basically inspired to me to jump on a plane to Rwanda. I so highly recommend this book! It's a grueling and technical read, and incredibly graphic and infuriating, but perfectly describes the precursors to the genocide, as well as a detailed account of the UN mission throughout the 100 days. Shelby (who has a huge crush on Dallaire, as do I... haha) was reading the book while we were there, and locals would notice, and come up and talk to us about Dallaire, and what a hero he is. Man, sometimes, I'm so proud to be Canadian, I can hardly stand it.

Thanks to Hallie, Corrine, Amanda, Hans, Cherie, and Shelby, I've been pointed towards some really fascinating books about the current affairs in Africa, including:
Dead Aid Dambisa Moyo
Race Against Time Stephen Lewis
An Imperfect Offering James Orbinski
The Challenge for AfricaWangari Maathai
The Bottom Billion Paul Collier
The books are all really diverse; some focus on international aid as the pivotal problem in Africa today, while others argue that with huge increases in aid, all of the problems will be solved. I would so strongly recommend them all! It's really satisfying to be able to start understanding how all the issues come togetehr. I hope I am inspired enough to continue this independant reading and learing when I return home!!

For anyone who is so inclined to pick up a really amazing book, the following are probably my favorite books in the world, and I completely guarantee that they are some of the most uplifting, thought-provoking books I've ever read:
The Diary of Anne Frank Anne Frank
Shake Hands with the Devil Romeo Dallaire
The Glass Castle Jeanette Walls
Anne of Green Gables Lucy Maud Montgomery
Eat Pray Love Elizabeth Gilbert - This book gets an honorable mention because it is my favorite book of all time, and I can't even explain how comforting and uplifting and inspiring I find it. If you were to read one book in the rest of your entire life, I would strongly recommend that this would be it.

It's kind of funny, I have had at least 2 or 3 books on the go all summer long. I always have at least a book or two in my bag when I go to work every day, and it helps pass the long ride to and from the office every day. Over time, I've become somewhat of the un-offical library of the office! It started out simply enough, with Anne asking me one day what I was reading as we sat side-by-side... Next thing I knew, I was being asked on a daily basis what book I was currently reading, and as soon as I finish one, it's already been promised to someone else who can't wait to read it. I love finding people who can understand my overwhelming love for literature.

-Delaney

Farewell, Kigali...

Tell me, does it move you?
Does it soothe you?
Does it fill your heart and soul?"
-Hanson

So here we sit at the Bourbon Café for one last evening coffee on my last evening here in Rwanda. It seems like we just landed here in the land of a thousand hills. True to character, I have completely fallen head over heels for this country in the very heart of Africa.

I never intended at leave Kenya at all this summer, but now that I’ve spent this week here in Rwanda, I feel like I was never not coming here. This entire Africa experience just seems like it fell into place so easily that I feel like maybe I was just meant to come here. I realize how cheesy and corny this sounds. I cringe to think that anyone reading must just think “Oh geez… she had another exciting day… things are pretty, people are nice…yes, we get it, you are lucky, get over it already!!” But honestly, every experience, every moment has been just filled with so much pure joy that I just can’t help
gushing about every silly second of every day.

This trip has been the crowning jewel on the entire summer experience. Shelby and I are like, the perfect travel companions. We agree on EVERYTHING. What time to wake up. When to go to bed. How we should do our hair. How much we should tip. Which books to read. Where to eat. What to order. We split meals all the time because our tastes are exactly the same. We haven’t had so much as a single eye-roll or argument or cross word. We really didn’t know each other too well before we got on the plane, so we’re pretty lucky things have turned out so well. In just 5 days, we have so many inside jokes and funny memories, It feels like we’ve known each other forever.

We’ve done an amazing job of challenging each other’s fears, but never pushing too hard. For instance (and I’ve left this out until after the fact so to not terrify my mother!!) : the moto-taxis in Kigali. Now, as much as I’m willing to hop on an airplane to a foreign land without so much as a second though, for the most part, I’m a huge wimp. I’m scared of so many things that it’s a wonder I leave the house in the morning. Getting mugged, throwing up, catching a tropical illness in general, extreme sports, any animal that can bite, all of these things scare me near to death. I had put motorcycles/street bikes on the list of things that I never ever wanted to experience in all my life (along, of course, with breaking a bone, getting stitches, going skiing, and getting morning sickness). Imagine my complete horror when we arrived in Kigali, and instead of the death-defying matatus as the main mode of public transportation, we find a city completely crawling with moto-taxis.

We spent the entire first day here exploring on foot, but soon realized that wasn’t going to get us all the places we needed to go (not to mention the fact that with all the walking we had been doing, I developed three sets of disgusting blisters on my feet from each of the three pairs of shoes I had packed). So with me hobbling around Kigali as an invalid, it was time to re-evaluate how we were going to get around. As the city of a thousand hills, we were awfully sick of hiking up the huge hill to the Bourbon Café anyways… (Let me just interject here to say that the Bourbon Café is our new home away from home. We are completely smitten with our dear cute waiter friend, Ally, who is probably the sweetest kid on the face of the planet. Whether it’s hooking us up with extra internet time or bringing us free plates of cookies, he’s always got our back. The kid rocks our socks).

So anyway, we mustered the nerve Tuesday morning, and took the taxis literally 30 seconds up the hill to the Bourbon Café for breaky. It was so scary, but so much fun. From that moment on, we were hooked. Never paying more than $2US, we have spent the last 3 days popping all around Kigali on the back of the infamous moto-taxis. The drivers all wear bright green vests and green helmets, and when you are lucky, the helmet they supply you with actually has a working buckle to fasten it, so you don’t have to tromp through town with one hand on top of your helmet to make sure it doesn’t come flying off and into the face of your comrade on the road behind you.

Shelby became the queen of taking photos while zipping down the roads, while I tended to hold on for dear life. It’s funny, the contrast. Sometimes, we’d find a driver who you would trust to drive you from here to Capetown, while other times, you’d be driving down the center of two lanes, with matatus on either side of you, close enough to touch. In all seriousness, once I actually got so scared, I had to close my eyes, and pretend I was on a bus, with my blowing hair the result of a wide open bus window! While I waver between loving and loathing the moto-taxis, I have to admit that I like them a heck of a lot more than matatus, and I’ll miss them in good old Nairobi.

Oh Nairobi. It’s funny how different Nairobi and Kigali are. Walking around Kigali, you almost forget you are in a foreign land. Things are so clean and new, it feels like the shiniest parts of home. I actually saw a city employee yesterday picking up leaves off the street. It’s just that clean. I am rather conflicted about heading back to Nairobi. I never realized until I left how smoggy and cranky and crowded and angry the city is. If it weren’t for the amazing friends I’ve made there, I don’t know that I’d really want to return to Nairobi for any extended period of time. Other parts of Kenya, without a doubt, but not Nairobi. Bittersweet as it is, my time there is coming so quickly to an end. As it stands, I have 1 more sleep in Kigali, 18 more sleeps in Nairobi, then 4 sleeps in Mombasa, 2 sleeps in Nairobi, 1 in Amsterdam, then HOME!

-Delaney xo

Nyamata

"Qui sauve une seule vie sauve le monde entier"
"He who saves a single life saves the entire world"
-Talmud

Today was so incredibly moving and heartbreaking and inspiring, I almost can't stand it. Today was the "serious" part of our trip. We'd done so much reading and learning about the genocide, but couldn't imagine those horrors taking place in this country that we've grown so quickly to love. We spent the day touring different sites hit hard by the genocide, and although I'll attempt to describe what we saw, theres no way words could even come close to doing justice.

At first, I felt a little weird about this deep new interest I've developed about the genocide. I just can't understand how such atrocities actually took place in my lifetime. The more I try to learn about it, the more horrified and saddened I become. I feel like I was just pulled to this country, like I needed to come here to see and breathe and feel Rwanda. Like I learned today at the Genocide Memorial Center, as hard as it is for the Rwandan people to remember that horrible time, it's an important step that must be taken to heal. They insist that the genocide must be remembered and shared, in an effort to understand why it happened, in order to never happen again.

I sincerely hope that my interest will only be interpreted in a positive light. Instead of wanting to exploit this tragedy, I only hope to open the eyes of my friends and family as a tribute to the amazing people of this beautiful country. Their courage and resilience and overwhelming power leaves me completely awe-struck.

*Please note, this entry contains graphic descriptions that are unbelievably horrifying..

We began our day by heading out to Nyamata, a small village close to an hour outside of Kigali. We caught a matatu, and headed out of the city. The drive through the hills was so beautiful. The rolling hills covered in little houses are one of the most impressive sights I've ever seen. I love telling poeple while I travel about how Canada is the most beautiful country in the world, but I think we may almost have to share that title with Rwanda!

A kind gentleman walked us from the main street of Nyamata to the old Catholic Church, which is now a genocide memorial center. We were greeted outside by a young man named Charles. He took us right into the church, where we were met with one of the most crushing sights I've ever seen. Every pew in the church was covered with old, blood soaked clothing of the victims who died there. The ceiling is riddled with bullet holes. Charles asked us if we wanted to hear some stories from what went on there. Through our tears, we agreed. He began calmly explaining that on April 7th, the very day after the genocide began, the Hutu extremists broke in through the front doors of the church, which was sheltering over 6800 people (they had already killed 3200 who were outside of the church). He showed us where the grenades had blown through the doors, leaving huge chunks out of the cement floor. Right inside the main gates, there was a door with a small room. Using an ax, the extremists had chopped the door down, and took seven men from the inside of the tiny room, and slowly chopped off their limbs and killed them in front of the entire church full of people. Then they decapitated a man, and the soldiers laughed and kicked his head around like a soccer ball before killing the rest of the people inside.

Then he took us down into a cellar, where there were about 100 skulls on display. They had varying degress of damaage, but on every single one, you were able to tell how the person had died. Some had very obvious machete marks, others simply had gaping holes clearly made by a blunt object being slammed into the head. Then we went around the church to the back, where we were led down into a crypyt that housed forty THOUSAND bodies. Any bodies that were fully intact (barely any) were in coffins, the rest were just shelves and shelves and shelves of skulls and bones, all neatly re-arranged into thousands of rows.

We walked slowly back to the front of the church, completely emotionally drained. We asked Charles if he was there that day. He said yes. We asked him how many people inside the church actually survived. He answered, "Seven". Seven people. Him and six other were the only survivors. Out of 6200. One day. 6193 people killed. Brutally. Savagely. In front of his eyes. The epitome of evil occurred in that church that day. And for 99 other days, in many other places in this small country. This courageous young man is truly my hero on earth. If a more positive, amazing person is one this planet, I wouldn't believe it. How he managed to live through such horrors, only to step back in that church every day, I'll never understand. The most amazing part? He was so warm and compassionate. Within seconds of stepping in the church, Shelby was in tears, and he was so quick to give a warm hug and let her compose herself before we began the tour. He asked if we wanted to hear stories, and always stopped to make sure we were able to handle them before continuing through especially gruesome descriptions (trust me, the things I've written today don't even come close to some of the horrifying things he told us). He was so open, and encouraged us to ask questions and take pictures, and gave us some time to be alone with our thoughts. This man has absolutely seen the worst that humans are capable of inflicting upon one another, and manages to be a complete pillar of support and love and light for the people around him. I will be eternally awed and humbled by his quiet strength.

The most amazing part is that this country is filled with amazing people like him. While people obviously discuss the genocide openly, there are people who willing open up to tell you about their experiences and their hopes and dreams and memories. The Genocide Memorial Center back in Kigali was an amazing experience too, although much more intellectual and less emotional. There was one very powerful exhibit, where survivors had brought old photographs of their loved ones who'd lost their lives during the genocide. A whole room with thousands of sets of eyes; mothers, children, fathers, grandparents, siblings, so many people who lost their lives because of the hate of others. Genocide is just such a senseless crime. The only real motive is hatred. The Hutus succeeded in wiping out 85% of the Tutsi population. 1 000 000 people, both Tutsis and moderate Hutus died. Such a colossal tragedy.

Today in Rwanda, the red dirt roads weave through the hills. The green, lush vegetation spreads over the landscape as far as the eye can see. The morning mist blankets the valleys, and slowly burns off as the sun rises high in the sky. People are warm and kind and lovely. An amazingly country in the very heart of Africa. Now, there are no Tutsis, no Hutus. Everyone here is Rwandan. It's an amazingly collection of people who are somehow able to rise above the unimaginable horrors of their past. They are able to look hopefully towards a future where people can learn to appreciate the things that make us different, a future where differing skin colours, religious beliefs, customs and dreams can some how live together in a world that embraces diversity.

"No matter how idealistic the aim sounds, this new century must become the "Century of Humanity", when we as humn beings rise above race, creed, colour, religion, and national self-interest and put the good of humanity above the good of our own tribe. For the sake of the children and of our future." - Romeo Dallaire

-Delaney xo

I Heart Kigali!

So far, my love for Kigali has only grown. This city has such a different feel from Nairobi that it’s hard to believe I was only there yesterday morning! This city actually has more of a western feel. The cars drive on the same side of the street as home, the buildings are so similar to home, and it everyone is so laid back and chill here. Combine this with the beautiful, hilly terrain, and it’s like the greatest place.

We laid on a sleeping bag in the grass yesterday evening, and talked for hours about live and love and hopes and dreams. The air was crisp, crickets were chirping all around us, and I can’t even remember the last time I was so deeply content. Before we went to bed, we walked to the edge of the grounds, where we could see the lights of Kigali across the valleys and hills. Then it was off to bed, a creaky little cot in our tiny little room. I had a pretty horrible sleep due to the humid temperatures and my consuming fear of bedbugs, but soon, it was morning.

I leapt out of bed this morning, grabbed my camera, and dashed outside hoping to catch a shot of the sun rising over the hills. Apparently 6:45 was too late, so I just snapped pictures of the hazy valley, then headed back to the room to get ready for the day. Shelby and I went to the coffee shop with Sarah, a fellow AUCC-funded intern from McGill, who spent her summer here in Rwanda. We had a nice breakfast and she shared all sorts of awesome Kigali tips with us. Then we all headed across the road to a marketplace. It has SUCH a different feel from the Maasai Markets in Nairobi. There, the vendors are so overwhelmingly pushy, often so obnoxious that their attitudes are the only thing standing in the way of making a sale. Here at the indoor market, the vendors were so laidback, and it was more like you had to chase them down to buy things, which was such a pleasant contrast!

After a little (ok, a lot) of souvenir shopping, we headed back to the hotel, put on our bathing suits, and walked up to Hotel Milles Collines, which is less than a 10 minute walk from where we are staying. For anyone who was seen “Hotel Rwanda”, it is based on this hotel. During the genocide, thousands of Tutsis and moderate Hutus, as well as targeted government employees and at-risk ex-pats and NGO workers hid in this hotel. While the hotel underwent grenade attacks and being under fire and more than one occasion, thousands of lives were saved as people huddled inside the walls.

We had hoped to spend the afternoon at the poolside, but when we got there, the receptionist told us the pool was under construction for the next 3 months. We were disappointed, but ended up spending a few hours on the outdoor patio at the restaurant. We each had a Primus (the Canadian, or Tusker of Rwanda, aka the local beer). Shelby read her book "Sunday at the Pool in Kigali”, a true story based on people who were sheltered at the hotel during that summer.

Despite all the reading I’ve done about those horrible 100 days, I just couldn’t associate the beautiful hotel with the horrors that I know went on there. It’s been the same way about this city the whole time we’ve been here. I can’t connect the dots between the atrocities that I know occurred, and the beautiful scenery around me. Let me just say that I don’t want to sensationalize what happened during the genocide AT ALL. Completely the opposite. I feel like the more I learn about the genocide, the more passionate I become about making sure it never happens again. If everyone could develop that kind of burning desire to ensure human rights and freedoms, imagine what a different place the world could be.

We are going to the Genocide Memorial Museum tomorrow, I feel like that’s when it’s going to hit me. I am a little bit scared that it’s going to change my perceptions of Kigali. I want to be able to keep loving this city as much as I do now, and I don’t think anything could change my mind about it. If anything, seeing how far the country has come so soon will only make me more passionate about what a great place it is, and how amazingly resilient the Rwandan people are.

On the way back from the Hotel Milles Collines, we saw the St. Famille church at the bottom of the hill, tucked in right around the corner from the hostel. I remembered the name from my book, and so we wandered towards it to take a look. The church is an ENORMOUS brick building nestled right in the base of a hill. Like Hotel Milles Collines, the church held THOUSANDS of people during the genocide. We walked up to the front doors, stepped inside, and both were covered from head-to-toe with instant goosebumps. The Catholic church was one of the most hauntingly beautiful buildings I have ever been inside. There were several people inside sitting quietly on the pews. We walked slowly and quietly to the front of the church and just stood silently for a few minutes, completely overwhelmed with the intensity of being in a building that had been such an effective safe haven. We silently made our way back outside, where we just stood for a few minutes in total awe of what we’d just experienced.

We made the walk back to the hostel, where we spent an hour or two suntanning on the grass before we finally mustered the courage to shower in the super smelly hostel communal showers. Then we hiked back up the hill to the Bourbon Café coffee shop for dinner. Seriously, it’s obsession! Lightening fast internet, a patio with phenomenal views, great coffee, and the yummiest, affordable food. Mzungu life in Kigali doesn’t seem to get better than Bourbon Café. We sat there drinking Mocha after Mocha until closing time, and we took the five minute walk down the hill back to the hostel. It’s amazing that we can walk safely around at night here, when I wouldn’t even walk half a block in a big group in Nairobi after dark.

We’ve just spent a few hours chitchatting here now, and now it’s off to bed. It doesn’t feel right to say that I’m excited to go to the Genocide Memorial Museum tomorrow. Rather, I am hoping to gain a deeper perspective into this dark era in humanity. I feel like it’s so important to reflect on the horrible aspects of life sometimes, in order to keep the great things in perspective. I hate that this kind of evil has manifested in the world. The least we can do is try to understand why and how it came to be, so that we can make sure it never happens again.

-Delaney xo