We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. -Thornton Wilder
You know that song? "Im in a New York state of mind"? Well, I'm in a Chilliwack state of mind. Ever since I got home from Rwanda, I can't get home off my mind. It's like I've sort of emotionally "checked out" of Africa. All I can think about is home, and the first things I want to do, and eat, and the people I can't wait to see. The countdown is on! Two weeks from tomorrow I'm heading to Mombasa for a long weekend on the coast of the Indian Ocean, and then two more nights in Nairobi, then home!! For anyone who was wondering the precise number of sleeps, its 22 (23 if you count the stopover in Amsterdam!!!)
I guess in a way it's a good thing that I am starting to disengage from being here. The past few days alone have been a really good time to start reflecting on some of the things I've learned since arriving here just two and a half short months ago. Although I've learned SO much about the world around me, I've also had alot of time to reflect upon myself as well, like who I am, and who I want to be. I want to spend some serious time discussing my new priorities in life, starting with materialism, with a focus on clothes!!!
I think I'm finally getting my priorities straight. I feel somewhat ashamed to admit that until coming here, my priorities certainly weren't they should be. Like most westerners, I put material things near the top of the list. Having a nice car? Hugely important! Dropping $100+ on a pair of shoes I'll wear less than 10 times? Sure, why not? Spending a shameful amount on dinner and drinks with friends? A regular occurrence.
Being here has made me realize how silly that all is. For instance, I came here with the bare minimum of clothes. A decent selection for work, but barely any casual weekend clothes. Do I have to wear the same thing frequently now? Yes! Do I get totally sick of wearing the same outfits all the time? Of course. But does it really matter? No. Not even the tiniest bit. I have the most overwhelming urge to go home, and take every last thing out of my closet and send it off to the Salvation Army. So many people in this world are lucky to even have a pair of shoes on their feet, so it truly makes me sick to think of all the barely worn pairs sitting in my closet that I'll probably never wear again.
And yet, even the thought of going home and donating fills me with a bit of a panic. "But my black heels?! I know I never wear them... but still...they look so cute with that one skirt... I mean, I know I never wear it either, but someday...maybe... man, I don't know if I really should give them away..." It's so silly, and yet, it's the way we were raised. Overconsumption is so prevalent at home. It's almost impossible to break out of the mindset that "the more you have, the better off you are". The societal values that are engrained so deeply into us from the time we are born are so flawed.
Graham and I have talked alot about the need to exist within your culture. It will be so easy to go home with a bunch of new lofty ambitions about reducing consumption and living a more admirable life, but I'm trying to be realistic. Sooner or later, human nature dictates that I'll most likely slide back into the way of life I was used to back home. I hope that I can just keep aware enough to recognize old habits in my behaviour when they arise. It will be all about finding a balance.
Heres another shameful anecdote for you. When I bartended at Industry, I was in the habit of buying a new shirt to wear EVERY WEEKEND. My rationale was "Well.. if I buy this shirt for $20, I'll feel pretty and confident, so then when I make $220 in tips, the shirt is really more of an investment..." I'm serious. For four months, I bought a new outfit almost every single weekend. I shudder now to think of the millions of ways I could have put that money to better use.
The moral of this story: less truly is more. It doesn't matter if you have the priciest jeans, or a brand name purse, or the latest shoes. If your surrounded in your life by people who would judge you for those choices, maybe you should try surrounding yourself with people whose goals and outlooks are a bit better aligned with yours. I feel confident enough in myself now to not care what others think. It feels really, reallly good.
At the end of the day, anyone reading this back home can attest: We have roofs over our heads. We have more clothes than we could ever need. We've never gone hungry. We have cars, bank accounts, cell phones, the list is infinite. Next time you are standing admiring that $100 pair of jeans in the mall, think of the incredible difference you could make by investing money in a grassroots project in a developing country. Don't think you could watch $100 of your hard-earned money disappear? Well then, consider this: that $1 you spend at the grocery store on a pack of gum could provide one African with clean water for one year. One life potentially saved. Is that worth one dollar to you?
-Delaney xo
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