You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?' The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.
-Steven Foster
This summer truly marks the best three months of my life. I have tried to use my time here to reflect on my life: who I've been, who I am, and who I'd like to be. My dear friend Hallie wrote us all notes when she left Africa, and in mine, she told me that "It is a rare ability to be so constantly on a path of personal growth and to find joy in every sweet offering life can give". I consider this to be one of the most wonderful compliments I've ever recieved. When someone else's perceptions of you are in line with your ideal perception of yourself, you must be doing something right.
It's human nature in life to always think "I'll be happy when.....". For the fist time, I feel like I've finally eliminated that hurdle. I've been able to wake up every day and just love the life I'm living. The normal, daily activities have taken on an almost magical quality here. Out of milk? Great! That means a fun chance to hop on the bus, which is always an adventure. Have to set the alarm at 530am for work? No problem, I can't wait to go to work. Taxi driver an hour late? We'll get there when we get there, its not a concern! I remember Rachael in Mexico referring to it as my "zest for life"... It's so easy to love every second of life when you are having an amazing, life changing experience like this, but I think the real challenge will be appreciating every moment once I'm back home in my normal routine.
I think I've always had a tendency to try and find excitement in the mundane however. I do realize that almost every story or anecdote represents the "best/funniest/scariest/grossest/greatest" story "EVER", but that's just the way I am. I'd rather let normal moments take on an extraordinary quality, than go through life nonchalantly.
I think a big part of this learning experience has been evaluating with my choices in life, and the paths I’ve chosen to take. Being here, it’s hard not to measure myself against another culture. How do my values compare to a Kenyan girl my age here? Would I get more or less respect from people than I do at home if I’d grown up here? How does my life compare? I find the gender roles here so different from home. While I consider myself to be a fairly innocent and wholesome girl at home, I feel like if people here knew the way I was at home, they might lose respect for me for it. While it’s normal for a girl my age to go out and party and drink and date at home, I feel like maybe it’s not quite the same here. While I do like to go out and get rip roaring drunk on occasion with my friends at home, it’s not something I ever make a habit of. However, I feel like if people here knew that it was common for girls my age to get crazy like that, they would perhaps look down on me for it. Who knows, I could be totally off base, but I’m pretty sure people would not find a “Delaney went out and got totally trashed” story as funny as it may be at home. The point is it would be easy to measure my self-worth against the norms of whatever culture I am surrounded by. It would be easy to start guessing the choices I’ve made based on whether or not they are appropriate here, but I don’t. Not at all. I feel happy with who I am. Whether I am in Kenya, or Mexico, or Canada, or wherever, I am happy with myself regardless of what society labels “normal”. My self-respect is one of the things I will come home treasuring the most.
I've been doing alot of thinking here about the future, and what I want the most out of life. After spending three months working with such an amazing organization, I'm inspired to find a career that allows me to do what I love while helping other people at the same time. I feel like I've really blossomed in this environment, and being here shows me just how possible it is to actually look forward to going to work each day.
Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Harold Whitman
One thing I've really become passionate about here is writing. It's always been something I enjoy, but the desire to write has gotten stronger and stronger since I've been here. I started this blog as a way to record all of my experiences this summer so that I could look back on this trip in the years to come. I decided to make it a public journal so that those dear to me could share in this experience. I still can't believe the amazing feedback I've been getting all summer long. The fact that so many people care enough about what I'm going through to read on a regular basis makes me feel so loved. Thank you so much for your constant feedback and words of encouragement!
One thing I've realized about myself in coming here is how strong I can be. I don't consider myself a particularly brave person, but when I look at the things I've accomplished, I feel good. I guess if I can pack up and move as far away from the familiar as I have, theres not much I can't do. Its so easy to be brave and outgoing when you are far from home. Theres such a travellers culture; when you are away, you never hesitate to talk to anyone, anywhere. I hope I can find a way for that outgoingness to transfer to back home. Being fearless is something that is a constant effort, but is so important. I find that stepping out of the comfort zone is something I want to continue to do on a regular basis. The things that scare you are always the things that are the most rewarding in the end.
Another thing that I have become even more passionate about is travel. It's funny, every time I meet a fellow traveller, I become jealous when I hear of their stories and wish I could have seen so many of the amazing places they've been. Although I've managed to live for five months in Mexico and three months in Kenya by the time I'm twenty-two, I still want to see and experience SO much more of the world. So far the country count is at 6 (Canada, US, Mexico, the Netherlands, Kenya, and Rwanda) so I guess I am doing a pretty good job, but there are SO many more places I need to go. I am so intruiged by South America, and I would love to travel Europe. I know that the time has come to get serious about trying to finish school, but it's hard to imagine staying put long enough to get things done. I guess I shouldn't panic too much; both of my big life adventures happened so randomly and spontaneously that I'm sure the next one will come along when the time is right.
And now, just a word on home. As much as I have such an overwhelming urge to see the world, Vancouver will ALWAYS be home. As happy as I am exploring new corners of the earth and meeting such diverse, engaging people, I could never be more loved and whole than I am back at home, surrounded by the people I love. We are so incredibly lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the world. We have all we could ever need, and I can't wait to get home and appreciate Chilliwack the way it deserves.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers.
Aristophanes (450 BC - 388 BC)
I think in the end, the most important thing I've learned this summer about myself is how lucky I am, and how important it is for me to be appreciative of all of the greatness that life has to offer. I am so lucky to have the most amazing people surrounding me in my life. No matter where you are or what you are doing, none of it really means anything if you don't have people around you to share it with. I've said it a million times, but my family is the greatest gift I've ever been given, and I love them so unbelievably much. I'm returning home to so many amazing friends, both old and new, and I would be completely lost without them.
More than ever before, I like the self I see reflected in the eyes of those around me. And, so importantly, I like the person I see when I look in the mirror. I am not coming home a new person; rather, I feel like I've taken the time to really grow more into ther person I want to be. I have hope, motivation, courage, and love in my heart, and, as always, a huge smile on my face.
-Delaney xo
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